Welcome to the Future: Your ABC Guide to Newspeak

OffGuardian

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In these hectic, shifting modern times it can be hard to keep track of exactly what modern journalists are trying to say. As we move beyond the archaic concept of language, into a more enlightened age where meaning is subjective and feeling-based, we have to learn to embrace a more sensitive and expressive English lexicon. To that end we present a handy guide – an interpreter’s bible, for tourists in this Brave New World.

Aggression
The sole motivating factor behind most, if not all, military action taken by an “autocratic state”. Even actions that appear, at first glance, to be defensive or neutral, are done in defiance of the “international community” and are therefore aggressive.

Autocracy
A government, or nation-state that is “anti-democratic” i.e opposed to “humanitarianism” (see below), and refuses to bow to the will of the “international community” (see below). It should be noted that some…

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